Dr Wang Channels Conrad Hilton Beyond the Grave

Dr Sidney Wang had planned to spend Sunday relaxing at home in his tank; he was still exhausted from the Palm Springs Psychic Summit that had ended earlier Sunday morning.

Not one to shirk his responsibilities, Dr Wang found himself receiving messages from the spirit world. At the first sign of an incoming communication, Dr Wang swam to the depths of his tank to consult with his mini-Booda. Dr Wang meditated briefly, and altered his state of consciousness to allow the psychic medium to take effect. Within minutes, he began receiving signals of energy from the spirit world. To Dr Wang's astonishment, it was Conrad Hilton, founder of the Hilton hotel chain, and great-grandfather to jailbird Paris Hilton.

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Dr Wang's tiny eyes rolled back in his head and his tail fluttered briefly as he uttered Mr Hilton's message from beyond the grave. Conrad Hilton's message is as follows:

"Will someone please stop that little bitch great-granddaughter of mine from single-handedly tarnishing the reputation I worked so hard to build! The Hilton family name at one time was respected and stood for quality, excellence and honor."
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Dr Wang's eyes widened as he channelled the next message from Mr Hilton, intended for his great-granddaughter Paris Hilton:
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"Paris, my dear great-granddaughter-GROW UP. Start wearing panties everyday, drop the attitude, and learn how to do some work. Even though you have shamed our family, serve out your time in prison, and start cleaning toilets. Maybe you can work in the housekeeping division at one of our hotels when you get out."

With those final words, the transmission ended- Dr Wang's tail and fins fluttered briefly as was released from the grip of the psychic medium. But he realized this message had to be communicated to Paris Hilton herself, so once again, Dr Wang meditated and concentrated on reaching Paris Hilton in prison.

As Dr Wang opened a channel to Paris Hilton, he immediately began transmitting the message from her great-grandfather Conrad Hilton. Dr Wang sensed the fear in Paris...she paused nervously in her cell as she listened to her great-grandfather's stern words via Dr Wang. Unable to understand how this message was reaching her, Paris began screaming in horror. She put her hands to her head, began violently pulling her hair, sobbing uncontrollably. Paris shouted: "I don't WANT to scrub toilets, here or in a hotel" With that, Dr Wang knew his work was finished, and he closed the psychic channel to Paris. Later, Dr Wang confessed that Paris Hilton seemed "quite empty-headed and with few redeeming values".