Ever had a friend do something so stupid you just wince or cringe? Something so heinous that there is no excuse for their behavior? Well I have a friend who did just that. This is about someone I've known for a number of years who did something really awful to someone close to them. Just to be clear, it isn't me. I have nothing to do with it. However, word came to me that my friend was involved in something really stupid, idiotic and just plain bad. I wouldn't dream of making excuses for this friend, nor would I try to defend their behavior. However I do believe this friend has some demons to deal with. What's tough is the recipient of my friend's awful actions is a genuinely good person, who has reached the end of their rope. In other words- this was the last time the other person would put up with my friend's behavior. When I first heard of this matter, at first I was angry with my friend. This person should know better...an external influence took over and resulted in actions that have now changed another person's life. It is a really tough situation for all involved, with some potentially messy implications. Oh its a mess alright. Selfishly, I have nothing to do with it, and technically am not involved. Yet I hurt inside, feeling incredibly bad for both individuals involved. I feel incredibly bad for the "victim" in this situation, it is someone I really respect a great deal. As I mentioned, this person's life is now changed forever. I'm sure this person will bounce back over time, but it is going to linger for some time. I feel helpless in that I cannot help either person. I want to yell at my friend and tell them what a jerk they are. It is going to be a rough patch for these two individuals-and others involved. When I think about what happened I actually wince in discomfort. There is no excuse for my friend's behavior and I intend to really come down hard about it. At the same time I also recognize there is a person inside who needs help. I'm struggling how to handle my anger, disappointment and frustration. It's really a mess on many levels. I apologize I can't be more specific but it's best I keep this vague. So this is nothing more than me venting. Thanks for reading and "listening"-Rick Rockhill
Friends who let you down are the pants. I'm sorry you had to experience such a let down and hope time and friendship will make things better for all concerned.
ReplyDeleteI can tell this is really upsetting, Rick. Will this end your friendship with the offending friend? I have seen it happen. Sad for all.
ReplyDeleteI have had two situations in the last five years that are so similar! One of my oldest and dearest friends was found to be stealing money from the church she helped found, attended and worked for. I was flabbergasted, since she was the very last person on earth I thought would be capable of something like that. I realize she needs me as a friend, but I, too, am struggling with anger and disappointment. I don't know how to handle this, Rick, so I understand your frustration!!
ReplyDeleteOh Rick, I'm so sorry to hear this... Sending hugs your way because I know it's really bothering you, and you are hurting, too!
ReplyDeleteMaybe the one good thing to come out of this will be that the "offender" will be able to get some well-needed help.
HUGS... big squishy ones....
Wow, what a bad spot to be in!
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's very useful to dwell on past mistakes, since we can't go back in time. If your friend is truly sorry and is committed to turning over a new leaf, I think you should try to be helpful and forgive. Help them make tomorrow better than yesterday.
If your friend isn't ready to make a change, though, you may want to re-think the friendship, or at least put some distance there until your friend is ready to turn things around.
Just a thought. Probably you've already thought the same.
Life is too short to be sucked into needless drama and negativity.
A bit from my blog "book to be" here---my friend never attempted to redeem herself,never apologized for her actions that destroyed anothr person's life! I became entangled in the mess by proximity only, an my refusal to pretend the evil was not happening. That friend went downhill with me from there, in how I saw her, felt about her actions and I realized this was NOT a person I would be proud to call "friend." It ended for us and that was a good decision on my part. When trust is broken...I don't know even if she came to me now, 15 years later, apologized/took responsibility for her hurtful actions to an innocent, that I could or SHOULD get involved with her. Life IS too short to circle your friends with jerks. I feel for your angst.
ReplyDeleteOh Rick I DO understand. 15 years ago I was the one who screwed up. I was embarrassed, humiliated, and felt so bad about myself I was sure all my friends would never talk to me again. Some didn't. But, incredibly, some were able to love me anyway.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're in this tough situation.
Thanks for stopping by my blog~
J.
For openers, whether we mean to or not, I think all of us at some time or another (some of us who are true klutzs in the social realm, maybe many times) have overstepped the boundaries -either verbally or by other unconscionable actions. Sometimes, when we do this, especially with hoof and mouth disease, we realize the error immediately and sometimes too, we have the good sense to even stop there and apologize. Sometimes it's enough, sometimes not, too. But when others -such as yourself -end up being placed in the middle and hurting for all involved, it is really hard then to even try to make amends -often because you just don't know where to start. My best advice -for what it's worth -is for you to try to find a way to tactfully approach the main offender in this issue and "gently" broach the subject. Ya know Rick, I have enough faith in your judgment, just from reading your posts, that I do think if anyone can find a way to begin a process of making some type of amends, in whatever manner, it would be you. May take some time and a lot of digging deep inside yourself to find the right words, the best way to do this, but I'd be willing to bet my money on your being able to help (hopefully, both sides) in this dilemma.
ReplyDeletePeace and God Jul -for all!
Not knowing what this is about, all I can say ism I hope it all works out the way YOU hope it does, Rick. It sounds like a really terrible situation.
ReplyDeleteit's so hard to watch things like this happen between 2 people you care about. wishing you both the wisdom and the peace to be able to deal with it well.
ReplyDeleteBecause you care about your friends, you want everything to go smoothly. Well, as we know, life isn't always smooth. All you can do is make sure both of them know that you're there for them if they need you. Even if you can't correct the situation, they'll know they can count on you for a sympathetic ear, and that should mean a great deal to both of them. Vent anytime you want, we're here for you.
ReplyDeleteSounds bad. Interesting how a single act never has only a single consequence.
ReplyDelete