* How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?
* Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
* I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
* When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'
* Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
* Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
* Wouldn't you know it....Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
And remember: Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.