Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Wisdom Wednesdays: Featuring Dr Sidney Wang

ASK DR WANG, the psychic betta fish

This week's e-mail is from a reader named Joe,(whose location shall remain confidential for professional reasons)
Joe writes: Dear Dr Wang,
Do you believe it is important for pets to be shielded from the sexual activity of their caregivers? My cat recently reacted negatively when he walked into a room and witnessed "the beast that has two backs." Please advise.
Dr Wang responds: Dear Joe,
This is an interesting question that you have presented. Being a fish, I am a cold-blooded, aquatic vertebrate, covered in scales, therefore I have a different perspective than members of the warm-blooded animal kingdom, to which you and your pussycat belong. I consulted The Great Bubble Wall in my tank for guidance with how you should handle the pussycat who caught you in the act. Your kitty isn't upset with you and what he saw. It seems there are some differences in mating rituals of humans and cats which may have confused your pussycat. When cats do the nasty, the male cat bites the female’s neck to hold her down while he mounts her. Then she may throw him off and will attempt to slash him with her claws. Sometimes the male cat needs to fight off other suitors, as he waits for the female to be in the mood. This is all part of the feline mating ritual. The Great Bubble Wall tells me that you confused your pussycat by your own behavior.
It is not necessary for you to hide your pussycat from any sexual activity, but instead consider altering your routine to make your kitty feel more comfortable. I suggest that you try the "biting of the neck" step, and attempt to mount in a clumsy fashion. These little steps will ease your kitty's stress if he happens to see you going at it again.

Keep swimming upstream,
-Dr Wang
Over the past week or so, Dr Wang has received several requests for his predictions for 2008. As the resident oracle of this blog, Dr Wang is delighted to oblige with these predictions for 2008:
  • Researchers at King Neptune University (KNU) will find the missing genetic link between humans and crustaceans, which will rock the human seafood industry as it comes to grips with the fact that humans eating lobster is a form of cannibalism.
  • A water logged ham sandwich will wash up on the shores of Miami with the image of the Virgin Mary, but will require being left underwater to see the apparition. Thousands of believers will flock to see the Virgin Mary's image using special goggles.
  • Babbling Brook Community College (BBCC) will begin offering fblog courses(fishblog), using special watertight computers designed for use underwater.
  • Google will sponsor "Blogger Anonymous" counselling support groups for bloggers afraid of using their own name for comments.
  • Google will also establish psychiatric programs for Bloggers who have gone over the edge with their blogging. This will include assessments, and a review of live-hours logged into Blogger to identify high risk bloggers.
  • Researchers at Cold Stream College (CSC) will discover that certain varieties of wild salmon are actually more intelligent than all of the 2008 presidential candidates combined.
  • Underwater Aquatics Association (UAA) will be embroiled in a caviar embezzlement scandal that will rock the barnacles off of their anchors.
  • Sweeping new legislation will take effect banning all stupid people from the Internet, thus reducing Internet traffic in half by November 15th.
above: The entrance to Dr Wang's Ancient Siamese Meditation Temple, where his tank resided during the passing of the New Year.
"Wisdom Wednesdays" features the sage advice of our resident oracle, psychic betta fish "Dr Sidney Wang". Believed to be a reincarnated descendant of King Rama II of Siam, Dr Wang responds to e-mail submissions with advice, predictions of the future and conveys ancient proverbs to provide guidance and support. Dr Sidney Wang's 24 Hour Wisdom, Advice and Inspiration service is also available from the left side navigation for this feature.


Seamus said...

I believe that same ham sandwich was spotted off the coast of Texas near an oil slick. I wonder if it'll still have "virginal" qualities by the time it reaches Miami???

charles said...

Dr Wang, you crack me up. I like the prediction about the presidential politicians...classic.

Marlupe said...

I like the one about the google counseling for addicted bloggers. to funny LMAO

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Excellent. Very funny!

Anonymous said...

ha hahah ha haha hahh aha ha hahha ha haha hah ahha ha ha!

well, i can see
by your predictions, dr wang, this will be another great year! will be watching!

/t. (my real blogger name)

Anonymous said...

Only half?

Seraphine said...

Quote: "Sweeping new legislation will take effect banning all stupid people from the Internet, thus reducing Internet traffic in half by November 15th." Unquote.

Ummm... you didn't say which half will be reduced.

Palm Springs Savant said...

seraphine- excellent point. I guess Dr Wang's prediction was a little unclear. Maybe the water in his tank needs to be changed!

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

LMAO! I love Wednesdays!

Dave said...

Thanks for stopping by at my blog. Your comments were appreciated. First or second time at your blog... I think I will be back! Love your feline letter! LOL

Beth said...

"Bloggers Anonymous" counseling - good one, but I'm a little leery of the high risk bloggers one. Can Google find us? (I mean, them...)


When the blogger anon online help comes up, please pass along the information!
Merry New Year PSS Rick!
Thanks again for a great chuckle!

kenju said...

The line about the presidential candidates was priceless!

Tea N. Crumpet said...

I have many times made love with my cat in the room and she leaves. After reading this I tried biting my husband on the neck and various other things and she stayed laying down but lifted her head with her eyes shut. I do not think she was impressed. . .

zen wizard said...

When I walk up to my cat with a dead rat in my mouth and start rubbing against his legs and purring in glee, I will start to worry about the emotional damage I might cause him if he catches me in delicto flagrante with a human.


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