Saturday, June 23, 2007

Dr Sidney Wang Contacts Paris Hilton in Jail

Resident oracle Dr Sidney Wang, used his psychic powers earlier today for a glimpse into a day in the life of jailbird Paris Hilton. Dr Wang reports that Miss Hilton has had "good days and bad days", but has resigned herself to finishing her sentence with dignity. Dr Wang gazed into The Great Bubble Wall in his tank as a crystal ball type device to obtain actual visions of Paris Hilton in prison.

At first view, Dr Wang saw a despondent Hilton sitting in her cell, rocking back and forth. Her hair was ragged and uncombed. Dr Wang's voice finally reached her jail cell, and Paris acknowledged his greeting. "I am much better than when you last contacted me, Dr Wang" Miss Hilton said. "I was under stress and strain when you channeled my great grandfather, Conrad Hilton and I was unable to speak calmly", Paris said. Dr Wang then offered to channel Paris' great grandfather once again and she readily agreed.
Several hours later, Dr Wang settled into a very tranquil state, at the bottom of his fish tank, meditated briefly and altered his state of consciousness to allow the psychic medium to take effect. Within minutes, he began receiving signals of energy from the spirit world. "Hello?..." said Dr Wang..."Hello? Have I reached anyone?" Suddenly a voice boomed: "It is I, Conrad Hilton, founder of the Hilton Hotel chain. Let me speak with my great-granddaughter Paris Hilton". Dr Wang's fins fluttered briefly as he attempted to recontact Paris in prison. When Dr Wang reached Paris, she was already performing her prison duties, which at the moment involved cleaning toilets.
Dr Wang called out: "Paris, Paris I have contacted your great-grandfather Conrad and have a direct message for you". Paris put down her toilet brush and said: Yes Dr Wang, go ahead"
Dr Wang's body shuttered once again and reopened his psychic medium to the spirit of Conrad. Mr Hilton began to address his great-granddaughter: "Paris, you little spoiled brat. When you are released from prison, I want you to continue scrubbing toilets. You have many more important life lessons yet to learn. When you get out of jail, I want you to pick up dog poo in public parks and wear polyester blouses from WalMart". Paris listened to the spirit of her great grandfather intently, as drops of water dripped from her toilet brush. Her eyes filled with tears, but she bravely replied: "Yes, grand-daddy Hilton". With that, Dr Wang's connection to the other world was lost, and Dr Wang's body shuttered once again. He told Paris, "I'm afraid that's it, I've lost all contact".
.
Paris thanked Dr Wang and resumed her prison work, humming "Amazing Grace" as she scrubbed the toilet bowl, yet at peace that she had finally spoken to the great Conrad Hilton once again.

17 comments:

HoosierGirl5 said...

Oh, I do so hope Paris has to clean toilets. Or mop floors. Or something equally gross.

Hilarious post.

J.

Sarah said...

are you for real?

no, seriously ... are you?

Belizegial said...

Cleaning toilets is an education in itself. I know Paris will come away knowing more than when she first arrived. LOL

Renegade Eye said...

I hope Paris will still make porno films, or maybe Nicky.

b o o said...

i love cleaning toilets or maybe it's wearing the plastic gloves

Tea & Margaritas in My Garden said...

Paris will have the art down pat and open up her own cleaning business....yeah right LOL
I like your 7 ways to make the world a better place. I worked in a soup kitchen several years ago. It really makes you thankful for what you have.

tea
xo

natalie said...

Ha Ha...you have me rolling over it fits of laughter here with this story. you tell a great story rick.

Lina Marie said...

He just needs to add that the other inmates aren't allowed to talk to her or touch her or her prison maid will hit them in the head with her bottle of bleach. love the parody.

Jayne d'Arcy said...

Now this is the most newsworthy article I've read all day! lol Thanks for dropping by my place. I'm adding you to google reader so I can follow more such amazing works.

Life,Love,Travel said...

haha

well we ll see if Paris will have changed after prison, maybe no more commercial deals for champagner and prosecco in cans but for rock hard matresses, scrub for bars and traps to catch cockroaches with ... ;-)

Canadian flake said...

lol some how I doubt Paris will really do anything in prison except whine like a baby of course..lmao.

Blue the Spa Girl said...

Sounds like Great Grandaddy Hilton has sentenced Paris to a life of Blue!
Walmart and Dog shit. Life is grand.
xo

Naomi said...

This post made me smile Rick! It was so funny! Somehow it's hard to imagine Paris Hilton wearing a pair of rubber gloves with toilet brush in hand! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I didn't realise you used to live in England.

Greg said...

Aw...

The poor little rich girl. I doubt she's learned anything from her stay. She's going to keep on doing and acting as she always has.

Anonymous said...

We'll see what she does tomorrow- her first day of freedom out of the big house~

Klio said...

Very nice article. Hey! Add me to your blogroll.

T-Bird said...

Send paris to an Ozark Trailways bus station to clean toilets with a toothbrush as her punishment for overstaying her 15 minutes of fame. She needs to get off the stage and to stay off forever.

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