Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Wisdom Wednesdays: Featuring Dr Sidney Wang


This week's letter is from a reader who asked to keep their name anonymous. She writes:

Dear Dr Wang,

I am a single working mom with two kids trying to make ends meet. I'm saving up for a new car, without much success. I don't often have much extra money, but I do play the lottery twice per week, in the hopes of one day striking it rich. Last week I went to a river casino boat and played slot machines for three hours and walked away up $50. I am smart enough to know that gambling doesn't pay, but what do you see in my future as the more profitable option, slot machines or lottery tickets?

-"feeling lucky",

Dr Wang responds: Dear "Feeling Lucky",

If I could jump out of my fish tank and slap you with one of my fins I would do so. However you have consulted my services and I shall respond in kind. The Great Bubble Wall in my tank erupted furiously when I meditated over your question. I see that you have deeper issues than you have shared in this e-mail. I must urge you to stop playing the lottery at once and avoid all gambling. There is a deceitful man potentialy in your future who enjoys gambling, wine, women and song. He will play you like a fiddle and suddenly you will find yourslf in a world of debt. Do not enter any casinos for the next 90 days at least.

Instead, devote yourself to your two children but bake some cupcakes for your kid's homeroom teacher. These cupcakes will lead you to a relationship. I must advise you that the type of cupcake you choose to bake will have an effect on the type of man you meet. The teacher will unknowingly and subconsciously interpret your cupcake recipe to match you with a mutual friend. Regardless of who the teacher fixes you up with, it will be fruitful and you will be happy. Somewhere in the future I see more money awaiting, so be patient, and keep swimming upstream.

-Dr Wang


"Wisdom Wednesdays" features the sage advice of our resident oracle, Dr Sidney Wang. Believed to be a reincarnated descendant of King Rama II of Siam, Dr Wang responds to e-mail submissions with advice, predictions of the future and conveys ancient proverbs to provide guidance and support. Dr Sidney Wang's 24 Hour Wisdom, Advice and Inspiration service is also available from the left side navigation for this feature.


Canadian flake said...

Dr Wang,
You are so very wise. I was thinking the same thing about wanting to give her a good smack upside the head. When I was a single mom, there was never money to waste on lottery tickets OR May your water be clean and your fish food plentiful..lmao.

Naomi said...

Ha ha! Great Advice Doctor Wang!

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Oh to have the wisdom of the bubble wall at my disposal. What I wouldn't do to have it!

Alrighty! Off to plot...

marlupe said...

Another fine piece of advice from Dr Wang. How he does it is amazing. I wonder what kind of cupcakes she is going to make for her child's teacher? And more importantly, what kind of man will she be inttroduced to as a result?? If the "feeling lucky" person reads this, I hope she writes back to Dr Wang to say what happened!

captain corky said...

I hope everything works out for anonymous, but even more I hope someone remembers to feed the fish.

Wizened Wizard said...

Mmmm... I wonder if Dr. Wang is descended from my old (dearly departed) Goldie who met his end when Ace, our cat, flipped him out of his glass-enclosed deep blue sea onto a maple floor. We found him stuck there one morning and a smirk on the Ace's feline face.

If Dr. Wang is descended from Goldie, then this could explain his extreme distress at the thought of someone gambling, for it calls to mind people with aces up their sleeves...

Now, how can I get me some of these cupcakes?


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